Have no idea if you know that tonight is Orthodox Christmas Eve…

Unlike good Christians I spent it cursing and wishing that it is all gone.

I have never been an example of good person in religious terms.

Have no idea why, either…

While I was trying to act in consistence with demands of humanity, as known through the Holly Book… I got punished over and over again (to use dictionary of perfect believer which I am most certainly not).

For instance, I was trying at least not to do any of the mortal sins if I couldn’t follow the orders… and occasionally I would manage to avoid them… but instead of ignoring my existence (which is the only thing I’ve ever wanted from Him to do) He would pay attention deciding obviously that I should be negatively stimulated (understatement I know)… and than He would send me… well… not too good things anyway.

So, I’ve decided to become agnostic… thinking that if I don’t pay attention to Him, He won’t pay it to me either… Bitter mistake.

As He wanted my attention so badly that it got even worse.

Therefore, I got religiously confused. Too loyal to try different option, too scared to ignore, too suspicious to become a perfect believer… what to do?

When I came to your part of the world I was pretty much even-hearted. You might say that I was in peace with almost anything, decided not to be surprised, thinking that I saw it all…

Can you guess what He did next? He sent You to wait me in front of the gate, helping me to settle, taking me to those long walks filled with meaningful conversations, a lot of good laughs, discrete compliments, high quality music, cute smiles, hot nights… walking emotional disaster…

So you did…all that… unified two religions in one single sweet smile… little Anglican became an instrument of Orthodox revenge to my ignorance and vanity. I am just waiting now for someone to tell me about two or more Gods… I would immediately ask about this perfect example of the One.

It is one hour less in your world than in mine… Sunday evening… I can almost see you lying in that old flowery sofa in the TV room, waiting for your favourite Car Show to start… before that I suppose that you’ve enjoyed potatoes in 101 way prepared, served on silvery shining plates in the Mess. After, you will probably check mail once more telling yourself that I might answer saying that I am sorry or whatever… than you will go to the right wing of the House, take a quick hot shower and smelling like a CK’s One you will crawl into the bed with the exactly the same blue blanket as the one that we used to use in my room while I was ... You will wear white T-shirt since you hate being half naked in the bed and you will fall asleep lying on your back… as always…

You see, I know it all…you will turn few times underneath that blanket torturing yourself with weak guilty feeling about us; you will try to runaway from those by evoking nice moments…usually those in which we didn’t need any words to understand each other… and eventually… you will peacefully fall asleep… I know it all… I know even how your face would look like depending on a quality of dreams you are having in particular moment… I know the speed and depth of your breath if you dream happily… I know that first thing in the morning you will reach to the right with your left hand… that you will be completely awake with the emptiness on that right side, emptiness you are not used to… you will tell yourself that you’re a fool, you’ll be angry at yourself for couple of minutes and than at me for a moment or two… than you will look at phone to see the time… and jump out (you always do) right to the gym…

Half nine in the morning you’ll be perfectly dressed up in the office checking mail again, fighting ideas such as replying to imaginary letter…

You see, I know it all…

Now… if I have proven that I can be a forecast teller I’ll ask Him … will You make just one single wish come true for me?????

Please, and I am seriously asking You this… will You please forget that I exist… so I could forget it too????